It has already been a decade ago when I first experienced this heavy blow to my life. Since then epileptic or seizure related problem has been, alomost consistently, troubling my life. It caused, undeniably, huge effect in my professional life as well as home front.
The regular visits to doctor and the subsequent scannings, be it CT-Scan or MRI scan, became part of my life. Many times, I wanted to do away with the problems. It was costly and tiresome. However, this experience was a kind of blessings in disguise, as I consistently need to be in-touch with my God.
That being said, I wanted to be free from the clutch of this neurological-disorder, to lead a normal life again. Hope, for the best, is the only option for this, as I have been through the fighting process. I need to be fully guarded in the hands of my Lord, and that’s how I feel for a decade now.
That day, when I was admitted for monitoring in the Epilepsy Monitoring Unit (EMU) of a city hospital, I deeply hope it will be a life-changing experience for my better living. Something was spotted in the MRIs few years ago. For 25 days, Video EEG (VEEG) monitoring test was done on me. It is done to find out the root cause of the illness, and the possibility of correction by Brain Surgery, which will help controlling the illness.
During the course of VEEG, we (me and my family) prayed hard so that surgery might, somehow, be avoided. However, my prayers went unanswered or very much heard, I would say. But at that particular point, God did not work as I’d desired. His plans are higher than my plans.
It was a long boring procedure, where so many ‘leads’ are attached to my body, especially my head. Twenty-four hour video surveillance was done, which were focussing on me. Lying on the bed, in that tiny room, was a not so deary affair. It was a good time for reading books though.
So, at the end of the day, doctors found enough evidence for going forward with surgery that it might help. ‘Get prepared and come back for brain surgery’, I was told. That is the reason why I categorized as unanswered prayer. Still surgery was needed!
Since brain surgery is a big thing, with many unwanted possible outcome, I was left devastated. Many prayer request were made, which work for the goodness of me. My parents spent their time in the prayer cabin, which provided life-line for their son.
Now, surgery was performed on me, which was successful, they said. I recovered well. However, there is something in store for me. Exactly after one month, the least expected occurrence happened. Those episodes brought me closer to Him, so it was a good experience although it was not as I’d asked for.
Medication can control unwanted experiences by now. I am grateful for what I had gone through although it was a bitter experience. Although full recovery seems to be a long distant dream, which, I hope, will happen one day, in His time.
Unwanted yet expected pains and feeling are common. It becomes an experience of a lifetime. A lot like a stream in the desert. Although I am not completely free from the disorder, it is advantage me as of now. In many ways, unanswered prayers, for the time being, can be useful in our lives. They are answered but not as we desired, I would say.
For more than three decades in a row, I’d the privilege of using a brain free from wear and tear. It does not need any servicing or oiling in between, which is above the highly regarded man-made materials and inventions. And, I am more than thankful for that.
These episodes helped me walk more closely to my Savior. It becomes an inescapable event, which in many other ways, benefitted my soul deeply. It is more than I can asked and hope for.
It is well with my soul!
PS: My days in the EMU.