Intoxicated Living

‘The world’s not as I expected,’ skeptically mused a person, time and again.  Although it was supposed to be a humor, it has some weigh.  The world has intoxicated our living by the time our conscience was put to practice.

Our mind becomes intoxicated with wants, selfish ambitions, adjustments with immediate neighborhood, and so on.  Physically, we have been pained, suffered, and many more, as we live our daily life.  These all are signs of us being alive, so it’s a blessing.

As if these weren’t enough, we have tons of ways to get intoxicated with.  Intoxication took away our understanding and makes us unwise, at times.  Our imperfect mind showed up when we speaks or acts as fools in our intoxicated state.

Necessary Intoxication:

The other day, medical practitioners took some amount of my blood, as they need to determine what had intoxicated my living.  The level of the drugs in my blood, which I had taken for a decade, had to be maintained at the so-called normal level.

Dosages of my medicines have to be increase if it’s lower than the desired level; or lowered otherwise.  My intoxicated blood becomes a boon for my normal living.  My movements and activities, however, get more limited than before.  Intoxication affects my life in some way.

Our body cells, neurons, and bloods are designed by our Creator to accept and intermingle with outside particles for good.  They secrete and excrete to keep our toxic level well balance to sustain our life.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made, which need consistent care.

Intoxicated by Pain:

Pain has become part of my normal life.  As I said earlier, to be able to feel the pain is another blessing.  It is a sign of me being normal and alive.  Let me tell you that I have been in a situation beyond pain, being unconscious, and the experience is worst than pain.

We all suffered some kind of pain, in different ways.  When our pain is too much it can blind our thinking, which suppressed our hope.  It intoxicated our thoughts and living.  Yet most pains are temporary or at least for a lifetime.  Our search for suppressing pain can be dangerous.

In our intoxicated life, with pain and suffering, we search for an entity or someone who’ll listen to our groaning, occasionally.  What if I can tell all?  It may somehow ease my occasional pain but it is hard to find a good listener.  We can be boring, a chronic complainer, and negative mindset to others.

Pain does not subsides by telling someone throughout so we all chose to keep quiet as much as possible.  It’s better to report our level of intoxication, by pain, to the Lord’s.

Intoxicated by Misery:  (1 Samuel 1)

Hannah was mistaken as a woman intoxicated by drinking wine when she poured out her deep misery before the Lord God.  In reality, she was intoxicated by misery.  She was severely provoked by her rival because she was barren; unable to bear son for her husband.

She’s a woman; I cannot say with certainty the level of her troubled heart.  It’d be difficult to empathize her being provoked.  Dear women, you’ll know better.  Her misery was beyond the love and understanding of her husband- Elkanah.

She was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord asking for a son, and wept in anguish until her voice was able to come out.  Imagine should you be in Hannah’s state of mind, it pained me.  One night, my chest was choked, as I read it to my children.  She was excessively intoxicated by her misery.

She did not care for what people would think.  The priest Eli had observed only her lips were moving, as she spoke to the Lord in her heart.  She vowed to give the child to the Lord, should the Lord grant her prayer.  This lady was in huge distress and she surrenders herself fully to the Lord.

Hannah knew that her situation has come to the level which can be solved only by the intervention of the Almighty God.  In her own conviction, she went to the Lord, because she has HOPE in Him.

She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.

Beyond Hannah’ Misery:

There is an upside to her misery.  Hannah’s misery took her into the ministry of God.  She participated in God’s plan by bearing a ruler and priest for the Lord.  Her contribution or role in God’s ministry will be remembered as she did not shy away but approached the Lord.

It is great relief to read the next chapter, which consist of her praise to the Lord.  The Lord had granted Hannah’s prayer, she bore a son, named him Samuel.  Samuel was dedicated to the Lord; he grow onto become a priest who ruled and anointed the kings for Israelites.

Hannah’s Prayer of Gratitude:

In Chapter 2 of 1 Samuel, Hannah’s prayer of thanksgiving was recorded.  Her heart was filled with joy; for she witnessed the good deeds of the Lord.  Her bitter life turns into a rejoicing life.  She proclaimed: (1 Samuel 2: 2, 8, 9)

There is no one holy like the Lord; there is no one besides you; there is o Rock like our God.  For the foundations of the earth are the Lord’s; on them he has set the world.  He will guard the feet of his faithful servants.

One day, or at least once in a while, we’d be set free from our intoxicated living, by the grace of God.  Now, a rejoicing heart is a blessed heart.  We should know how to be thankful and show our gratitude once we’re set free.

When the sun shines let us be thankful for the sun; and the sun don’t shine let us be thankful for the shad we got!

How to Get Free from Intoxicated Living?

We have talked in length the details of God’s work in Hannah’s life.  She was set free from her misery because she went to the Lord’s presence.  She knew her problem was beyond men can handle.

By hoping in the Lord, with great perseverance, we will be set free from our intoxicated living.  The time will come for us to be free from all kinds of troubles the world can bestowed upon us.

And for that, it is important to know the truth.  When we know the truth we can trust in Him.  Today, how are you intoxicated?  Let’s abide in Jesus Christ.  As Jesus Christ had declared, “the truth shall set you free.”  (John 8:32b)

I know it is hard to let a day pass when we’re in the midst of our afflictions and sufferings.  Yet we have HOPE, amidst our intoxicated living, through Christ Jesus!

Imperfect People

Imperfect people are real people. Real people lived in the real world. And I am one of them. As long as we live in the real world, perfection cannot be attained; yet we must have hope, and for the best.

We grieved, suffered, heart-broken, pained, flawed, inferior, unfit, below standard, and felt incomplete. It is because we are imperfect people living in an imperfect world.

People wanted to overcome our adverse moments with ease but somewhere down the line our imperfection popped up. If and only, we’re in our own strength, we’re heading nowhere. The unseen work of God, behind the scene, only keeps us going.

It is natural that we have this longing for triumphing over this imperfection. We wanted to shine; be an example, leading a victorious life. In that pit of imperfection we may fall, yet it can lead us to discovering the meaning of life, should we rise again!

Imperfect Innate Being:

My father had taught me certain Christian values, which would keep my soul and body safe from the work of evil. I wanted to be a perfect boy at least by abiding with the rules of the house. Yet, sometimes, I ended up the opposite.

When I wanted to do good things, many times, I ended up doing what I hate. I want to live a life that pleases God and people around me. When we happen to make a hole in that imaginary boundary wall, we feel guilty.

Guilty-driven life has to be rescued with love. And many times I was rescued. But the thing is; the more you wanted to perfection, or at the least near perfection, our imperfection desire cropped up again. The saying, ‘rules are made to be broken’ holds true in young lives. And we have to fight the good fight, always!

Imperfect Body:

We possessed an imperfect body, which is susceptible to pain, developing wear and tear, as we aged. Some become healthy while some battle for life since their very conception.

Several people had gone through the knives; developed a never-ending pain, scarred for life, and need consistent care. Yet some people had complete bones, organs, and hole-less skin, throughout their life. Still, they go through pain and hard times in some period of their life, which might be harsher than physical pain.

We are imperfect people waiting for perfection in the glory of the Lord. We are God’s good work in progress. We eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. (Philippians 3:20, 21)

Imperfect Character:

I have no skill for interpersonal relationship with people. Handling relationships with persons near and far have always been an uphill task for me. But I am glad, there are enough people who still love me albeit my imperfections.

Decisions taken in our imperfect periods had led us to unwanted pitfall and hard times. Some are scarred for life, as our decisions followed by actions, once taken cannot be repealed. For many, it’s just that tiny ‘yes or no’ moment, which bugged our life since.

My tongue is a small part of my body, which is the hardest to be tame. We can hurt someone without talking much; it is the quality of words we spoke than the quantity, which really matters. A small spark from our end can set a great forest on fire. (James 3:5, 6)

I may write about forgiveness yet I struggle to forgive others. It requires the work of the Holy Spirit. When somebody hurts us we wanted to bounce back. From our imperfect mind there’s hardly anything which is subtle and mild for others.

Some of us know the ways of getting closer to God but hardly act upon it. We are slow to make decision when it matters most. Our acquired wisdom did not make us perfect rather it filled us with pride and self-esteem.

Hiding Imperfections:

We all tried to hide our imperfections. In this materialistic and unrighteous world, it is a good practice to conceal our imperfections, at some level. If not, we would have no respect and adore for people’s personality or character.

Our ways of determining our imperfections is when: we don’t have money, losing jobs, unemployed, unable to support our family, chronically ill, unable to maintain our status in the society, leading a lowly life, self judgment, many more. And when our hide-out is no more safe.

But we cannot conceal anything before the Lord, our Savior. We may lead a messy life yet God knows it all. Some of our lives are too messy that we might want to give up. However, our God accepts us, should we go to Him, despite our imperfections.

Trading Imperfections – On the road to Perfection:

Some two thousand years ago, our Savior has flag off a new bogie for us, towards the road to perfection. Since then, millions had boarded, some are on the road, while faithful and holy people had made it to perfection, in His abiding grace.

On the road to perfection many get healed while some are made to wait for glorious revelation. We get delivered from our imperfections in His abiding grace; our sins and chronic illness gets washed by the atoning Blood of Christ.

In His act of Salvation, we are once again connected with Christ. Therefore, we have hope of trading our imperfections as we headed towards becoming a perfect person in His abiding love. It is the greatest hope for the imperfect people.

Our physical imperfections, appearances, scars, and adversities can be our stepping stone for building a strong and lasting bond of perfection with our Savior.

Christians are not perfect people, they have their imperfections too. But we are heading towards our road to perfection, in His abiding grace, when we humbled ourselves before our Savior.

On that day, when we met Him, we’d trade our imperfections with the complete perfections of our body and soul. We’d trade our sorrows and tears with joy and happiness. Our savior will wipe away our tears, which are shed because of our imperfections.

Compassion and Hope: Renewed Every Morning

The same year I’d graduated from University I had seizure. To meet my immediate financial needs I’d started joining a private firm.

It was here, at my workplace, I’d suffered this unusual attack, which plagued my living since then. I was seized and my life-boat capsized. However, I just believe it was some jerking in my brain, which would soon vanish.

My preparations and night-long practices for my dream job had been hit hard. In some major competitive exams for jobs, I’d simply slept away. Yet by God’s grace I secured a job in the banking sector, which I quit later.

In between work, I’ve been juggling and roaming through corridors of several hospitals in the hope of leading smoother life but it wasn’t meant to be, may be, for the time being. Until several years ago, I’d started visiting the Intractable Clinics. I’d witnessed the moaning and giggling, in dereliction, of patients encroaching the corridors of hospital.

Everything happens for a reason; reasons unknown or known, that I believe because I’d experience the other side of life too. Some of those very embarrassing moments are better left behind and forgotten. During the course of time, I was not consumed by my captivator, here seizure or epilepsy, it is because God’s compassion failed not.

My family blueprint, which I’d developed through the years, could not be fully put into practice. The blueprint contained determined sources of income, administration, expressing love, tolerating each other, and holistic way of raising children, and the likes.

Through the struggles, life goes on. I went on to live a normal life, although illness persist, and get blessed in different ways. Sometimes, I termed it as an ‘illness that comes too soon’ mostly because I cannot see in God’s view at this time.

There are times, in between, when it is difficult to find meaning in life. Yet I was not consumed by the work of evil inside my mind because the Compassion of Christ gets renewed every morning.

Although I don’t want to admit it; enduring the pain and physical frailties throughout, was not easy. In the meantime, there are obligations and responsibilities, which can’t ever be ignored.

Compassion in the midst of suffering

His Compassions Fail Not
——————–
I do believe that we all have verses in the Holy Bible, which renewed our hope in the face of adversity. When in financial deepwater and health related issues, I was reminded of several verses. One among them is this:

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. (Read lamentations 3:21-25) These verses has always comforted me and given me hope in times of adversities.

The Prophet Jeremiah had lamented during Jerusalem’s captivity. Chapter 3 of the poem mostly dealt with his personal lamentation on the issue of suffering and God. The compassion of God brings hope to those who seek Him.

When in captives the people of Israelites lived a troubled life. Jeremiah the prophet had witnessed the unfathomable misery of God’s people. The recent prosperity of Jerusalem has made their suffering all the more bitter. It is here in these verses a light of hope was shed again.

They are seized, held as captives by their enemies yet they are not consumed. The Lord was compassionate towards them. Again, let me reiterate here again that in their sufferings they are not consumed.

The Lord their God doesn’t allowed them to be fully consumed. Beyond their ability they get protected. In the hope of returning one day, they still lived on. Through His prophet he showed His compassion towards them in their sufferings.

My Renewed Hope Every Morning
————
After several years of suffering, I’d undergo Brain Surgery two years ago. The aftermath has been filled with pain.

I’d develop migraines, which makes me, very much, sensitive to my surroundings and the pain was sometime unable to bear. Being devoid of enjoyment in life is a huge challenge.

When I was rushed back to the hospital, it was not easy to endure the pain and shadowy images in my eyes. The day seems to be too long when you are suffering.

I waited for the night to come. I wanted to sleep. It is my hope that the morning would bring me something. Every morning my hope gets renewed.

In the midst of my physical frailties, it was good to have that feeling of hope. I still cherished that moment: when I am able to see the morning light. I’d prayed with huge hope of getting home soon.

All my wearies of yesterday are no more. The night has consumed my pain in the dark. A new morning has broken; a new hope has filled my heart.

The love, mercies, grace, and compassion of the Lord were renewed every morning. It was a glad moment to rediscover I am still alive to see a new day. It is all because of the faithfulness of the Lord.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!” The Lord is good to those who wait for Him; to the soul who seek Him.”

In the face adversities, be it financial, health, relationships, His compassions fail not. The Lord gave me hope to carry on in this world.

That hope, at some extent, made living with epilepsy easier. Hope becomes one of the most important pillars of my life.

Living in captivity: a life seized, was not easy. Yet I have this hope that deliverance is assured; and surely on the way.

It was more of a reminder to trust and put my faith in Him, so I weary not. It was a learning phase although it’s difficult. The fruit would be sweet, one day, when the time comes.

It is my hope that He would provide, fulfill, and gave us hope in times to come. We will not be consumed in the process because His (God) compassion fails not! They are renewed every morning.

Abiding Grace: Finding Hope amidst Uncertainty

Uncertainty, undeniably, is one of the ingredients in the walk of life.  It happened for a reason, may be.

My son just came back from school.  As usual, I enquired as to what they did at school.  They played and they enjoyed, which was good.  When we sent our children to school, we want them to learn something.  If their progress can be seen, we become happier.  Anyways, it doesn’t happen that way, always.

Children; Writing practice

Some worksheets, they brought along, to be done at home.  At times, children simply didn’t follow our instructions.  And we forget they are just starting.  As a parent, we are uncertain about their future.  Parenting was never easy – you get discouraged one minute, you get happy with full of hope the other time.

Imparting knowledge, for some of us, isn’t easy.  That’s why we sent them to school, to get help while we raised them.  We want our children to blossom into stars.  However, several rounds of ‘test of patience’ needed to overcome first.  Amidst that uncertainty, we have hope when we rested the matter in God’s Abiding Grace.

Calculating Investments

Investments, in all its forms, had an uncertain future.  The sales person feed us good return for every policy or investment plans.  It is their job; they are trained for that purpose only.  It is us, the investors, who got stuck, if it goes awry.  We might not reap the fruit in time.

Like others, in our pursuit of happiness, we tend to invest amidst uncertainty.  We must take a risk yet it can take us into bondage.  Being unable to get rid of any investments due to unforeseen reasons is also hard to bear.  Yet, in His abiding grace, we have hope that at least we might be delivered in time.  In any type of the outcome, God’s grace is behind what led us till today.

Empty glass

Emptiness, inside the heart, can eat up our body too.  Several times, when I wanted to commune with God, it seems God was far away today.  When our emptiness is not filled by the Holy Spirit, it is as good as a half-dead person.  When the cup is not filled, we have nothing to offer our surroundings.  In this time of uncertainty, God’s abiding grace still abided with us although we did not feel it.

We wanted to perform good things yet we ended up doing bad things.  Without His grace not a soul will live.  Waiting silently to transform us, to fill us again, will give us hope amidst this uncertainty – the dilemma or unpredictability.

When we’re let down or we felt let down beyond our normal living, it is more difficult.  In the evening, as usual, we go out to spend time in a park nearby.  My children, in their prime, were active.  They wanted to play with me.  At times, I am unable to play with them as much as they wanted.  It isn’t easy to be in that condition.

Playing with Children

For every person, I hope, it is our dream to spent time with, play with our children till they get bored.  It was uncertain when would Daddy get fully fit to play with them into their hearts contentment.  Yet you don’t want to let them know of all your difficulties.  It is their happiness that comes first.  Time and again, it is my duty to give them hope and assured them of His abiding grace.  One thing is certain amidst all uncertainty, Jesus Christ died for us.  He set the path right for all of us.

Let me end herewith that in every sphere of uncertainty in our walk of life, God’s grace is abiding.  He did all the necessities unseen to our earthly eyes.  It’s just that we didn’t observe God’s work or might be ignoring it.

Let’s try to make uncertainty be just a phase in our journey.

Abiding Grace: Words for the Soul

Why do we study?  Simple answer could be; we study so that we may gain knowledge.  Employment is the byproduct of that knowledge.

All employed persons are not learned and all unemployed persons have no less knowledge either.  How our learning has shaped us, as a person, is what matters.

---

Word by word, we learn how to read.  While reading we study, which is a part of our learning.  We learn to upgrade our thought, to shape our mind, and bring about change in our society, in the least.

There are words that are all-powerful; the Words of God.  His words are filled with love, mercy, and grace for every soul.  Powerful beyond imagination; to the saved and unsaved souls, even in their dilapidated state.

Studying Words for the soul

Theologians study the word of God to get better understanding of the Words, which would eventually bring them closer to God.  Yet not all theologians are filled by the Holy Spirit in their search for His fillings.  It is open to one and for all.

---

In one bout of my Status Epilepticus; I came to witnessed how powerful His words are!  In my semi-conscious state, I was told, somehow, I was uttering words, which would not have happened in my fully conscious state.  And I had difficulty in recalling them.

During my ICU (Intensive Care Unit) stay, God’s presence visited us in the form of His words.  For some days, I was unable to have clear thought of anything and I could hardly recall what was really happening.  In that moment, hope came alive in the comfort of His words.

Several Bible verses came into my mind in time, which I told my wife or my attendants to read it out for me.  Those verses came at the right time and served it right for what was most needed.  Unfortunately, I am unable to recall all the verses in detail.

One after another, the verses came: the Name of the Book, Chapter, and Verses in detail.  I was so ‘blessed’ to study the Holy Bible several times in my normal condition, before I could even think this is bound to happen.

Just in time, came the verses like a flash of light.  I listened to the word of God, which give me hope even in my worst physical condition.  With great hope and assurance, I can slept peacefully again and again, in His words.  Some of the verses I could still remember are from; Lamentations 3:22-25, Ezekiel 37, Psalms 91 and many more.

---

Here I wanted to emphasize that even when our Brain do not function properly, our God has till provided His words of hope to the soul.  So I am urging you to study and thrive on the Word of God, which would keep you going beyond the thought of human.

His word is a living word and He is also the living God.  When flashbacks of our life happen before us, we will need it the most.  So when we have time let us read, study and learn, as the school students learned, from word to word.  It will serve us good.

Word for every soul, laid bare to all of us in His flesh, during those earthly journey for a short span of time.  Let us study, meditate, and learn from the Word of God – the Holy Bible.  So that even in our most unwelcomed abnormal conditions, our mind might still pick up God’s word from the scrap of our memories, for our comfort.  Rather than studying other words, which might simply haunt us.

It’s only words, some may say, but it’s all powerful.  And His words will drag us closer to Him in His abiding grace.

Words; powerful enough to build a new relation with the Almighty!

 

With my little ones: In the same shade

Reflecting back on what has happened to me when I first take up almost the full job of looking after our two children; my three-year-old son and eight-month-old daughter, then.

I had undergone right Amygdalohippocampectomy on December 14, 2015, and the unexpected huge repercussions that happened early in January 19, 2016 that nearly ended my life, here on earth.  Now the time has arrived for me to spend most of my time with my two children again.

Left my permanent job with the sole purpose of looking after my two children, life has been more of a blessing than sadness.

I had spent, most of my childhood days, missing my parents, as I have the chance to stay with close relatives, for the purpose schooling and helping them or them helping me.  Many tears have been shed by me because I had missed my parents so much.

So, it has been my goal that once I had my own child I will not leave them whether they are with somebody or not as long as possible.  I want them to have me by their side in whatever they need and witness them as many as I could.

In that way our emotional attachment and understanding might reach the necessary level needed by a normal human being.  However, I do not want to be a possessive Dad, throughout my life, either.

They are my (our) hope for a better future.  Even if I didn’t succeed in trying to mold them into a good human being, I will simply say, I ‘d tried my best.  I gave them my whole time, in this short span of life.  Furthermore, it is more important for me that they live their life in the likeness of God.

On the contrary, I have this fear that I might not be able to provide them their financial needs.  Also, there is also this fear that in my old age I might not be able to take care of myself and left alone by myself.  There is no guarantee in life that every good or bad thing is going to happen.

A life, once lived, will not come back, as they say.  I may regret or I may regret not, that is in the hands of the Heavenly Father.  Sometimes, I did missed my office-goer life.  “Fight the good fight”.

Yes, it is important for me state that I am not a single parent.  My wife is working hard to put bread on the table every day.  Work culture in our city was hard.  No reasonable off-days when most needed were common.

Happy Father’s Day!

*Re-published Sept 2016

Hope keeps you afloat: A Loner’s song

At some point in life you have no escape route

You don’t know why you are here and none bothered

You seem to stuck deeper the more you try to move out

Your hard work paid off when it seems you are doing fine

Hope, hope, hope…keeps you afloat.

 

At a late stage in your life hit a wall and stumbled upon

Bound by string of responsibilities put upon you

Where you simply cannot succeed anymore to take care

Where you simply cannot think the way-out

Hope, hope, hope…keeps you afloat.

 

The scent of happiness seems fainted away

Looked at everything and were unable to see the beauty of it

The beauty of what you observed are still intact

They never knew what is still inside of you

Hope, hope, hope…keeps you afloat.

 

You cannot see excitement in almost anything

Your life is becoming dull day-by-day as was your thought

They would assume it was a result of your own deeds

Oh! Where would you go? You’ve lost way

Hope, hope, hope…keeps you afloat.

 

It became a big task to search for in this stage,

When your time and resources are limited

The only hope is in Heavenly Father who knew it all

But then you were not good enough for Him as well

Hope, hope, hope…keeps you afloat.

Hope, hope, hope…keeps you afloat.

Overcoming the Fear of Nothing

Future is a mystery at some level.  Being a mystery instill some kind of fear in our mind.  One cannot be always optimistic.  That is natural.  Too much focusing in the present problem may lead to unwanted thoughts.

Health problems, finance, love life are a threat sometimes. However, reflecting on the good things in the past will help at that time. There is nothing happening on us that won’t benefit us.  That is hard to understand, and I knew it.  Here I may not be able to provide the kind of solutions you wanted, but read on.

 “Do not fear” was mentioned 366 times in the Bible. These are enough for the 365 days of a year.  However, we failed in reminding ourselves everyday about these comforting words.

I happened to came across some people who loss appetite and fear for the future among the younger generations.  Just the words are empty if we failed to recognize who owned the words.  Try to spend time with Him and called for external help also.  Remember everyone face that situation over different issues.

‘Fortune favors the brave’ we were told. The braves also had fear but they overcome it.  When the braves failed it becomes more severe.  We have to prepare for this and know how to live in the moment.   Preparation may not be enough at times though. Take rest and wait for a while.

It is better be unsuccessful than achieving our goal by any means.  Remain calm.  Life will take its course. The moment you become content you overcome that fear of nothing.

Wait, keep waiting, on the Lord.